Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Things I wish I'd Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, Gary Chapman Northfield Publishing 2010 164 pgs

It's true that I am not married yet, but my boyfriend NickNack and I decided not too long ago that this is something that we are going to work towards, and something we are going to do. I won't say anything negative about my family or my parents' marriage to each other, except to say that they divorced when I was 16 and were apart from each other long before that. I know that I have no desire to put my son through anything that is as unfair as that. And because of that desire Nick and I are going through the marriage process with eyes wide open. I found Gary Chapman randomly on Amazon and read the 5 Love languages. It was an incredibly helpful and eye opening experience that I will blog about at a later date. Right now I want to discuss the book that I found because I read the 5 Love Languages.

There are 12 chapters in this book that detail 12 very different things that you may not know or think about until it becomes a problem. Gary Chapman is a counselor for married couples and has been for nearly 40 years. He has had his own marital problems and isn't afraid to use his real life pains and miss communications to show us how important it is that we know and decide these things before we walk into something. One of my favorite chapters in the book is about toilets not being self-cleaning. We grow up not realizing how much our parents do or do not do in our households. We also see that one parent may do the dishes and the other may vacuum the floors, but what we don't realize is that these values are not held across the margins for every family.

One of the major points that I feel like Gary Chapman is making, is that all families are different. As a couple we have to learn to be open and honest about the things we expect the other half to do, or find a compromise that works best between both parties to ensure that the little trivialities don't become all out war at some point in our marriages. Over all I am glad I read this book. NickNack has also read it with me, and it's opened up a few lines of communication that allow us to better understand each other and the ways we are going to continue growing and working together. For any of my married friends who are out there I suggest that you read this, even if you think your marriage is awesome and nothing could ever come between you two. It's really just a few simple things to make sure that you know effective communications skills, and that you are loving each other in the most effective love languages. Gotta keep those love tanks full!

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